artyfax: January 2006

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Wednesday 25th January

All the recent sculptures going missing are secretly being melted down to make a lifesize model of Andy Fordham, set to stand in the English Channel to scare off the French.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Thursday 19th January

A leading Spanish museum has admitted it has lost a massive steel sculpture which weighs 38 tonnes, proving during a siesta you can pretty much steal anything.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Wednesday 18th January

A court has ordered Austria to return five paintings by Gustav Klimt.... BBC this woman is not Austria...

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Tuesday 17th January.

BBC Reports that...

"A painting found in London may be the only surviving portrait of Lady Jane Grey, who was Queen of England for nine days, tests have suggested."

Alas this is not true, as I drew a picture of Lady Jane Grey yesterday with
my new crayons.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Monday 16th January

Carsten Holler, the man newly hired by the Tate to fill the Turbine Hall exhibition, also designed the set for Mario Land.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Sunday 15th January

Artyfax was brought to you today by the Letter M for Max Ernst, and the number 14, for the number of times he wittingly painted his dreams, he also liked Sesame Street and pretending to be homeless

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Saturday 14th January.

Ok... this one is actually impressive... please read on

The woman who has just won the Sovereign Art Prize is the wife of former Norwich City and Scotland goalkeeper Bryan Gunn. Susan Gunn, picked up £17,000 which if converted into footballs is also exactly the same number Bryan picked out of the back of the net.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Friday 13th January

Pierre Bonnard (1867-1947) aka "The Daddy".

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Thursday 12th January

With the Becks awards coming up soon its good to remind people what a load of old rubbish it is. Not only is it a washed up version of the Illustrious Turner Prize, trying oh so hard to be contraversial, but last year Christina Mackie won, even though Lali Chetwynd's work had naked women and Jabba the Hutt in it.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Wednesday 11th January

Whilst it would be unfair to suggest that Ernst Ludwig Kirchner had a drink problem, Ernst Ludwig Kirchner had a drink problem, he also had sex with an underage girl called Franzi... NOW THATS EXPRESSIONISM.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Tuesday 10th January

Tony Blair has officially entered the art market with his own brand of street art.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Monday 9th January

In the National Portrait gallery some of the works are hung around the wrong way.

Saturdays artfax brought to you by Dawson & Schulz

Kindly noted by Dawson and Schulz in reference to Marcel Duchamp. Anyone wishing to read their article, go to http://www.dawsonschulz.com/artmain.html

they also write...

Saw your post about Marcel Duchamp, while searching for information about the hammer attack on the urinal.
By sheer co-incidence, I wrote in November that the century of the urinal is over, in an article entitled "30 years of crap".:
http://www.dawsonschulz.com/artmain.html
I thought you might find it interesting.

Bob Dawson

thanks for the info

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Sunday 8th January

Francis Bacon was a poor forger and a vegan. This most evident in his 'adaptations' of the work of Velasquez and Van Gogh and the fact that he didn't eat meat.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Saturday 7th January

Who said that the art world was too detracted from the everyday person. Marcel Duchamp created a piece of work in the early 1900's called 'Fountain' which was essentially a urinal with his name written on it (I hope armitage shanks got their royaltys).

Anyway in 1993 a frenchman decided to use it for what it was created for, so he relieved himself in it. Good man, something as daft has not been done since many infamous showroom incidences involving toddlers, and think of the poor paintwork behind it.

So anyway this man might have learnt his lesson, alas 12 years later the man is in custody for attacking the said urinal with a hammer. Naturally the urinal didn't put up much of a fight and ended up with a nasty chip.

Is this a new age way of using urinals? Should we all be now arming ourselves with hammers whenever we need the toilet? Or is this just another case of a pissed up Frenchman with a chip (ahem) on his shoulder?

Police said the man claimed the hammer attack was a work of performance art that Marcel Duchamp himself would have appreciated, I say there both as bad as eachother!

Friday, January 06, 2006

Friday 6th January

One of Peter Paul Rubens artworks is cut up and used to make a jigsaw... in an episode of retro childrens TV programme Bertha.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Thursday 5th January

As an estimated 12 million pounds worth of Edvard Munch's work goes up for auction at sotherbys its important to remind ourselves that his name is norwegian rhyming slang for dinner.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Wednesday 4th January

Marc Quinn is the sculptor behind the forth plinth at Trafalgar Square. It apparently addresses ideas of mortality and survival, although it is unclear where complaint letters should be sent to.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Tuesday 3rd January 2006!

Mark McGowan has recently proved that doing something really rubbish can make you famous for five minutes, lets hope he disappears by the next five.

artyfax